Trading Block Party

Posted on September 27, 2010 by

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After what is sure to be an 0-3 start for the No Names organization and a 1-2 start for the “cursed” Boobies in America organization, rumors are running rampant that both teams are putting most, if not all of their roster on the dreaded trading block.

When asked what he thought was the main reason his beloved team was 0-3, GM Dylan Thorington responded: “I have no fucking clue. My coaches work hard, my players work hard, shit, even the water-boys work hard, I really don’t have a clue.” When asked about rumors of a trade with fellow disgruntled GM Dennis Lazar, Thorington said: “Sure, we’re talking, but what we’re talking about and who we’re talking about is none of the media’s business, so stop asking about it.” When pushed further and asked about a reported 7-player deal, Thorington went irate: “Listen, I’m sick and fucking tired about answering questions about who’s going where, who’s talking to who, who’s starting, I’ll tell you this, and you can take this to the fucking bank, CHANGES WILL BE MADE, okay? Changes will be fucking made! We will do WHATEVER the fuck needs to be done to win!”

Right after his outburst, Thorington said that he needed to go to his office to “poon some fucking nerds on Halo Reach to calm down.” Within 10 minutes, reporters outside his office reported hearing him say “Yeah, how do you like that tea-bagging, you nerdy fucking cunts?” Commissioner Justin Thorington and former chairman of League Morals and Ethics Jeff Spencer are reportedly discussing investigation of the incident. Probation is expected.

When out reporters caught up with GM Lazar, he had a very different tone. The once fiery, motivational GM looked anything but that. Lazar looked among other things, sad, lonely, hungry, tired, and strung up from coffee to help him get out of bed during the early hours of the morning. The usually fashionable Lazar looked like he hadn’t showered or shaved for days. When asked about his teams misfortunes. Lazar said: “I don’t know how a guy can have so much bad luck.”

When asked about his team being cursed, Lazar said: “I think that I might talk to Commissioner Thorington about launching an investigation into Dylan Thorington’s use of voodoo, I have a feeling he might have had something to do with Steven Jackson’s freak injury.” He continued, “Guys, to be honest, I think the best thing for me now would be some food.” GM Lazar was reportedly seen four hours later being thrown out of an Old Country Buffet for trying to sneak a Michigan Fifth in. There was also reports of Lazar trying to fill his bag up with 14 meat patty’s and 17 chicken tenders. When asked why he was trying to walk out with food, Lazar said: “I needed a snack for the walk home.” Lazar never made it home, he fell asleep on a bench.

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