Posted on November 4, 2010 by


(AP) Chicago –

With a league full of enormous egos, self-appointed titles are given seemingly every hour.  We have a league of kings, heroes, rats and smashers – all titles given to alleviate the poor self-image held by many in this league. It is as if the GMs in this league are trying to prove who has the biggest Linus on an episode of “Men With Low Self Esteem.”

No GM anoints himself to more titles than Boobies in America GM Dennis Lazar.  He often alludes to himself as “Your King” when communication with the league and he as always claimed that he is among the elite smashers in this league.  In fact, just today, Lazar sent the following e-mail to the league:

“Rob you better hope your BBALL game gets out early tonight. Otherwise, consider your pizza SMASHED.”

However, there have been a few members of the league that have serious qualms with Lazar’s smasher claims.  Initially Lazar sent the league into an argument about what a true smasher eats after he emailed the league bragging about smashing a salad.  About a week later, a story broke about Lazar admitting to skipping meals – also not behavior associated with being a true smash king.  Lazar countered, “While I don’t deny that I have not been eating lunch the past two days, I have been more than making up for it with a filthy dinner.” Commissioner Thorington received the following e-mail on Wednesday afternoon from an unidentified GM that really put into context the amount of smashing truly exhibited by Lazar:

We may have a fake smasher in GM Lazar. Me, being the King Smasher, asked fellow GM Dennis Lazar what we’re smashing, and he responded with ‘subway for lunch and turkey sandwich for dinner.’ (WHICH HE HAD LAST NIGHT AS WELL FOR DINNER) Back to back nights smashing a single turkey sandwich for dinner, is NOT a true smasher.”

Further evidence was submitted from another GM in the way of documented conversations and eating habits:

Lazar with a turkey sandwhich on 100% whole wheat

The real Dennis Lazar


Lazar, in addition to his smashing claims, is also an ardent, radical opponent of the league’s Fitness Initiative, so information like this comes as a huge surprise. Lazar could not be reached for comment, but word has it he has not only joined a local Gold’s Gym, but also the Fitness Initiative.

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