The Commissioner’s Race Heats Up

Posted on February 11, 2011 by


An informal poll recently taken by an external research firm shows that Commissioner JG Thorington currently has a 50% chance of being re-elected to his post as head of the TCFFL during the league’s upcoming GM Summit. The heads-or-tails rating is the clearest indication yet of the shocking fall from grace that Thorington experienced this year.

In the fall of 2010 it appeared that Commissioner Thorington, who was reaping the benefits of unprecedented support among nearly all of the TCFFL Owner’s Association members, would cruise to an uncontested re-election at years’ end. However, after a tumultuous year, which saw Thorington do everything from ceding control of day-to-day Team Operations to his Life Partner to sitting idly by while his brother wreaked havoc on the league’s email chain, the Commissioner’s spot could now be up for grabs. An unidentified league source provided the following insight into the situation: “There is no question that we want JG to lead this league. The issue is, will we be getting early-season JG or late season, I-Couldn’t-Care-Less Thorington? The foundation of this league would be hard-pressed to withstand a whole season of sub-par leadership. If we re-elect JG, we need to know he can once again become the leader that spearheaded the movement to put the TCFFL on the map in the first place.  I’m just not sure the Owner’s Association trusts Commissioner Thorington yet, and that’s why the vote is a crapshoot right now.”

As rumors run rampant, there has been the expected non-stop conjecture about who, in the event of an impeachment, could fill the Commissioner’s Double-Breasted pantsuit.

A Look At The Candidates:

Dennis Lazar, GM Boobies in America: The calls for Lazar to run for the top job have been loud and consistent but the Assistant Commissioner has said he has no plans to seek election. As one of the most powerful and influential administration members in Fantasy Football, Lazar seems to have struck a balance that allows him to accomplish his goals from his current post and frankly, there’s not much more to be gained by gunning for the Commissioner job.

Tome Aprik, GM Ronald Weasels: After taking home his first championship in 2011, the Weasels GM stock is soaring. Aprik often serves as a calming and uniting force on the league and his supporters think he’d bring the right level of bi-curious-partisanship to the Commissioner’s office. As good a candidate as Aprik looks on paper, those with knowledge of the situation are wary of a disaster. A league inside said that, “Tome is too nice. He’s scared to make enemies. Look at what JG Thorington had to go through this year. Sometimes the Commissioner has to take a stand one way or the other and he is going to upset people. Plain and simple. No one believes that Mr. Aprik has the intestinal fortitude for this part of the job. We’ve already seen how easy he allows Will Kerridge to run the show when he has a decision on his hands. The public may want him but it won’t happen.”

Robert Lay: Much like Michigan Athletic Director, Rob Lay would bring a keen business sense to the Administration. Unfortunately, as far as he’s come this year (and recent weeks have shown that maybe he really hasn’t come far at all) Lay’s skin is mind-blowingly too thin for the Commissioner’s job. This one is pure speculation.

Jason Anderson: We’re not talking about the Commissioner of Halo and Salad Eating. Next.

Dylan Thorington: He’ll be lucky to be in the league at all next year, a position in the administration is laughable.

Nick Loynes: No.

Jeff Spencer: An intriguing candidate whose inconsistency is a big red-flag for the league’s Owners. Spencer wields a lot of respect in the league but he lacks many of the necessary intangibles (the energy to consistently do recaps, organize payment, etc.). Additionally, as he enters the first year in a new job, his attention will come at a premium. With more seasoning, Spencer could be a viable candidate in a few years. Not yet.

Will Kerridge: The Bill O’Reilly of the TCFFL, Kerridge is much more effective as a talking head on the sidelines of the action, espousing his controversial world-view with no ramifications, than he would be as a league figurehead where everything he said and did would have consequences. The word on the street is that Owners would never put Will in the Commissioner’s office, as they’d likely be having impeachment hearings all over again in summer 2012.

Mike Lay: Maybe in another life. In this world however, GM Lay has no time for a run.

Josh Thorington: He’s already the Big Man on Campus at his school. Another title could be the metaphorical weight that finally buries him with exhaustion. Not to mention, when people were tired of George W. they didn’t go elect his brother Jeb. The TCFFL is much the same.

Egg Pinto: League Owners are more worried about Egg Pinto being alive than they are a potential run for Commissioner.

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