April 2011 Power Rankings: The Low Point Edition

Posted on April 14, 2011 by


As the TCFFL battles the off-season doldrums, its never too early to evaluate what each organization is doing to prepare themselves for a run at the championship in 2011. While the league is experiencing shamefully low email participation, and discussions have ventured into the previously taboo subjects of politics and scrabble, the owners themselves are taking wildly different approaches to gearing up their teams for the (hopefully) upcoming season. Here’s a look at the current power rankings:

1. Boobies In America

GM Dennis Lazar is avoiding outside distractions found in many email discussions and has set out to reinforce the organizational mindset at BIA headquarters. With a foundation this strong, there is no overhaul needed. Instead, Lazar has commissioned tribal leaders from various religions in the hopes that one of them can break the curse that has afflicted the Boobies in past seasons. Always known for being the most well-run team in the league, if one of the Shamans is able to free BIA from its notorious bad luck, the season could be over before it even starts.

2. Ronald Weasels

Weasel GM Tome Aprik has been exposed for talking out of his butt the past few months. Additionally, Aprik has emerged as a leading ROTY candidate for his constant slanderous lying and argument instigating. However, you unfortunately can’t knock the champs until they’re beaten. With a newly assigned target on their backs, the Weasels won’t have the advantage of being the underdogs anymore and the 2011 season will reveal if Aprik is a flash in the pan or the mastermind of a potential dynasty.

3. Wiseau FC

GM Jeff Spencer has done a nice job picking up his participation in the off-season now that the Wiseau Franchise is settled in their new home in Traverse City, MI. The key for this organization is stability: They’ve moved to 3 different cities in the past 5 years and many in the league are wondering if the constant uprooting is a detriment to the team’s morale. Much like the Weasels, 2011 will be a true test of whether GM Spencer finally turned the corner or if his team was just a once-in-a-lifetime-charlie.

4. Pacific Island Boys

While Commissioner JG Thorington has been fairly active in email participation, the fact is, he should be the one spearheading new efforts to keep the owner’s association energized and excited about off-season events. There are whispers that the owners are looking for some kind of innovation out of the Commissioner’s office that they have yet to see. As a result, there are many questions about how much attention JG is paying to his own PIB’s.

5. Jackie Paper Thin Skins

GM Rob Lay has picked up his participation in the off-season, which was a welcome surprise. However, his context-free youtube links have been among the league’s greatest annoyances. This plus/minus contribution strategy is also symbolic of the way Lay runs his team: Every time he does something good, his own lesser instincts often get in his way.

6. Cincinnati Bowties

Frankly, GM Will Kerridge and the Bowties could be higher on this list. Kerridge is an active contributer and is always involved in any league-wide initiatives. Additionally, his “wahhhing” on people’s facebook walls is nothing short of heroic. Why the lower ranking? 3 reasons: 1. Half of all Kerridge’s emails are: “Worst Day of Emails Ever”. 2. He was hugely involved in political discussions, which is a topic that is usually avoided due to an unspoken gentleman’s agreement.  3. The thin-skin that was on display for 3 months after Kerridge took home the ROTY award.

7. Way Too Much Shirt

It’s been more of the same for GM Mike Lay this off-season, as he has little time to participate in email conversation. With what is apparently an already booked summer schedule, things may not improve for Lay or the WTMS organization.

8. Dumblethor’s Army

At this point in the rankings, all the teams deserve last place. But at least GM Dylan Thorington is trying. If he can focus his concentration on topics of interest to the TCFFL, Thorington has a chance to mend his tarnished reputation. Unfortunately it will take more than that for Dumblethor’s Army to succeed. For that to happen, the organization needs a complete overhaul, starting with the attitude of the leadership at the top.


It feels like we’ve gotten 1 or 2 emails in the past month from GM Josh Thorington, which is more than you can say for the bottom three.

10. Italian Ice

The search party sent to see if GM Egg Pinto was alive has so far found nothing. A candlelight vigil is scheduled for the first weekend of May at GM Will Kerridge’s bachelor party.

11. Aptos Mudsharks

Why do GM Jason Anderson and the Mudsharks come in lower than Egg Pinto? Because there is confirmed evidence that he’s still alive and yet he’s clocking in at about 0 emails for the year. That lack of participation, combined with a record low calorie intake, has the Aptos fanbase terrified that Anderson won’t have the energy or attention necessary to run the team.

12. Showtime

When you claim you’re too busy to email, yet we can all clearly see you just had 3 weeks off of work, you deserve last place in the power rankings. That’s simple.

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