TCFFL Power Rankings: Week 4 – ‘The Dimes and the Dirt’ Edition

Posted on September 25, 2013 by


Power Rankings

1. Blue Polaski’s Boys: One week down, many to go. BPB were able to take care of business against the very tough Pacific Island Boy’s in GM Mike Lay’s first week with all targets on his back. There are no other contenders at this point: Only BPB and the smoothly paved road to the Dusty Memorial Trophy seem to matter in 2013. With 40(!) more points than the next-closest team, Lay has his boys operating a level the TCFFL hasn’t witnessed since BIA’s miracle run in the 2012 playoffs. The big question for BPB is one that will make or break their season: Can RG3 lead a team to a title? His teammate, stud WR Santana Moss said that these first three weeks of the season were “RG3’s Preseason”. If the high-trade-value Moss is right, there is nothing that could possibly get in Lay’s way to his first legitimate title. The only other non-RG3 worry? Will Demarco Murray’s inevitable month-long injury come early enough to have him ready for playoff time.

2. Pitness Initiative: At first they all laughed, then they fell to their knees and cried. No one is likely to forget the F that was awarded to GM Jason Anderson’s draft on the season’s first Dictator’s Dish podcast. But now it’s Duffy’s finest that is laughing all the way to the…bar. Peyton Manning is having an incredible season that’s going to be enough to keep PI competitive all year. And with all the dud RB’s floating around, who could have guessed that Calvin Johnson could become the pick of the draft? The run game remains thin (especially after reports the Broncos RB’s played rocks-paper-scissors to decide who got a late-game goalline carry) but it may not matter. Anderson’s not changing up his team so it’s his draft day roster that may be hoisting up the Dusty when it’s all said and done.

3. Jackie Paper Thin-Skins: Perennial runner-up JPTS are looking solid after the emergence of Rashard Mendenhall as a bonafide RB2. GM Rob Lay may have the only team besides his brother with a completely serviceable backfield right now. He’s still starting Reuben Randall and Andre Johnson may be hurt, but the league’s reigning MVP Drew Brees will pick up the slack. Or won’t he? Reports have surfaced that Brees is unhappy playing for Lay and never got over his departure from Boobies in America. Brees is BIA’s flagship player and if he remains unhappy, it may be time for Lay to cut bait before it’s too late.

4. Pacific Island Boys: So it turns out there was a team out there who would actively make moves to get Lamar Miller in their starting lineup. PIB fans everywhere threw up their hands in frustration when GM JG Thorington got an itchy trigger finger and traded away Matt Ryan and Eddie Lacy for the garbage-dump duo of Andrew Luck and Lamar Miller. Many questions remain: Can Luck handle the heat of a playoff race? Is this the first time a RB with 8 carries the previous week was involved in a trade? Does JG Thorington black-out after a few days of no trades and just say yes to the first thing that’s offered to him? The strength of this team is Wide Receiver – Thorington can only hope they’re strong enough to carry this massive load.

5. Weekend at Bernie’s: LeSean McCoy and Fred Jackson (aka: The ACL brothers) have led GM Josh Thorington’s team to a roaring start this year. Many in league backrooms are saying that WaB’s are the closest competition the BPB’s will have this year. The roster certainly looks impressive: Wes Welker benefits weekly from the racism of Peyton Manning, Cam Newton is re-emerging as a top 4 fantasy QB, and Jason Witten just flat-out can’t be stopped. After an easy win against a depleted BIA this week, WaB should be in a great position to make a lot of teams nervous.

6. Tommy Wiseau Close Quarters Football Club: You hate to see it. It’s like watching a train-wreck in slow motion. The curse of being the year’s unlucky team slithering it’s way into the heart of the Wiseau’s roster. Second most points in the league and a 1-2 record to show for it. GM Jeff Spencer must be feeling like there’s nothing else he can do. Misfortune is always in a constant flirtation with TWCQFC, but this year it seems to have rammed Spencer into the backseat of its Dad’s car and is having its way with him. No one is more active in trades than Spencer and it will be the moves he makes the next few weeks that determine if he’ll be giving birth to a Dusty Trophy in 5 months.

7. Showtime: At 1-2 you’re not counting these guys out. You just can’t. The AP/Reggie Bush combo is the most formidable backfield in the league, especially for the three games Bush will be healthy for this year. GM Nick Loynes has a loaded roster with plenty of trade bait, however everyone knows he’s the hardest GM in the league to get a deal done with. The initial offers are unreasonable and they usually only get worse from there. On draft day Loynes thought he had the league outsmarted – his record proves otherwise but a true league villain is never far from the action.

8. Italian Ice: A good, if unremarkable team. Darren McFadden is absolute garbage and no one’s taking home a Dusty with Colin Kaepernick as their QB. Pinto likes relying on comebacks from big names, but this year they just not be coming through.

9. Boobies in America: The mid-00’s MSU basketball teams of the TCFFL. The talent was never there. The respect from the press and polls? Nu uh. Belief from the fan base? No sir. But a coach who over-achieved by consistently getting the very best out of his rag tag players? Now you’re talking. GM Dennis Lazar is pulling yet another Tom Izzo and taking a horrible group of scrub dirtballs along for the ride into ‘being better than we should be’ territory. This is a pathetic roster with no shot at long-term success, but what Lazar has done thus far cannot be discounted. A front-runner for GM of the Year.

10. Dumblethor’s Army: They finally picked up their first win. This is a team not nearly as bad as the roster on paper would suggest. GM Dylan Thorington has found his inner-Nick Loynes in trade talks and you can be sure the only deals he’s making will be ones the DA fan base is ecstatic with. That is, until he gets antsy and gift-wraps his team to Josh in Week 6.

11. Cincinnati Bowties: A new low for GM Will Kerridge as the Bowties fall to 0-3 on a loss to the lowly Boobies. Kerridge brought out his full arsenal of jinxes in Week 3 but it all proved for naught as the BT’s fell in dramatic fashion to the underdog BIA team in the last minute of Monday night’s game. Kerridge is clearly rattled and lashing out but he’s been known to pull blockbusters to get his team back on course. No team has ever made the playoffs after starting 0-3, but you’ve still got to consider the Bowties a favorite to get back in the race.

12. Ronald Weasels: Tough, tough season for GM Tom Aprik. One of the more depressing lineups to scan through. First there’s CJ2K (with the 2k standing for how many 1 yard rushes he’ll go for out of 2k rush attempts). Then you’ve got a Tom Brady who has less points on the year than Sam Bradford. And it all wraps up with the garbage man himself, Vernon Davis. These are guys no one enjoys having on their team. Could be a long hibernation for this weasel.

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